My Apologies

My Apologies

Do you believe resentment, cultivating deeply rooted hurt, can subside when a sincere apology is provided?  If the different vessels, whom you believe poured an onslaught of callous intentions, upon your personal conceptions and idealisms of living a good life offered an apology, what would happen? 

I’m sorry…

You were dismissed.  My words tore you apart.  Communication stopped.   Your privacy was invaded.  I didn’t choose you.  I maliciously tarnished your reputation.  Your livelihood was jeopardized.  Your personal belongings were put in a trash bag.  I wasn’t who I said I was.  You made the wrong choice, out of the two I gave you.  You almost died.

***

Maybe it’s best if the apology, comes from the one who fights to swim under inevitable waves of repercussions into a life of meaningful substance.  

After all, unfavorable predicaments do not have to define us.  

With my apology, should a plan evolve?  Absolutely!  

I will practice each day, building positive designs to co-exist with my sorrow and my head will remain held high and my smile will show through any mist.

I’m not sorry…  

I learned to exist.  I pieced myself together.  I demand communication.  I learned to protect my own privacy.  You gave me a gift, when you did not choose me.  My character shines through, a tarnished reputation.  My livelihood will never be sacrificed again.  You cleared out, what you thought was trash.  I found out, who you really were.   Bad choices can help one evolve, into a better human being.  I survived to see the beauty of my life.

♥

You’re The One

♥

It’s the one who notices and embraces with joy,

those uniquely profound personality quirks and subtle nuances unveiling your individuality.  

It’s the one who will cherish and hold onto you,

never leaving you exposed.  

It’s the one who shares and enhances your light,

treasuring all the elements creating the you of now,

protecting with understanding the you of your past

and celebrating the future you.  

It’s the one

who

unequivocally

loves

you.

There is no place like home…really!

 

May 2, 2008

After a day of viscously cycling in a pattern of, figuratively speaking, standing tall on the job yet getting knocked down only to bounce back up, with an ever present and contagious smile, accompanied with my instilled determination to keep my cool.  I calmly decided, within the confines of my cubical dwelling, I was done!

The weekend was moments away.

Once the clock hands struck my magic leaving time, I was out the door and literally running to my car!

Finally free!

Blasting the music inside my car and blocking the negative thoughts whirling within my mind, I started heading west on the interstate towards a place I could recharge my internal battery and refocus my mind.

My destination was not a bar, a club, a friends house nor a hotel…

I was heading to the house I grew up in, to my old bedroom still remaining as I left it, so many years ago.  Home…where I knew my parents would greet me with great joy, love and no unwanted questions.

I was exhausted.  Work wheeled the last blow and the pressure from expectations of keeping everyone within my inner circle happy, during the week, tested my resilience to a point of knowing, I needed to step back and regenerate my happy self.

As I pulled up to my parent’s house, I sat inside my car and thought…this is the one place, I do not find grief.  I can be who I am with no restraints.  I never hear complaints about my career path, weight or why I do not have a baby yet.  My parents “get” me.  After years of watching over me, teaching me and letting me go…they finally understand me.

I enter the house and all my worries melt away instantly, with the hugs that welcome me.  My folks are ecstatic to have me home and spending a spontaneous weekend with them.

I can only hope if, I am ever blessed with a child, the adult my child will grow into will one day, seek to find comfort and support wherever I am.  When life gets a tad hectic, I would want him or her to know instinctively they can always come home.

As I type these words, I feel my peace.  I am good.  I am better than good…I am home.

♥

 

 

Being

“Finding peace within a tumultuous world, elicits stillness of untouchable calm”

1girl4adamwest

The Replacement

The Replacement

After Michael found a replacement, he immediately kicked his girlfriend out of his life and the home they shared together.

The girl was devastated, she lost her love and sense of emotional security.

As time passed, Michael would call and text to inquire how she was doing. Excitement would stir within herself with touches of sweet familiarity, each time he reached out, as seeds of hope would blossom deep within, only to wilt once he confirmed he was still, happily unavailable.

One day, he made arrangements to meet with the girl and when they met, he shared his news…he married the replacement.

An awkward moment for the girl.

On her side of the moment, although her heart was breaking with shattering pieces of embarrassment and feelings of dejection inundated her being, she smiled, offered congratulations and bid Michael farewell.

The girl felt loss, once again.

The earth kept rotating, the sun remained in position and her tears eventually subsided as life propelled forward and she continued living.

The girl often wondered if Karma would kiss Michael one day, but instead of obsessing over emotional justice being unblinded, she quietly continued existing while dismissing the periodic texts from the now, married Michael.

A couple of more years passed and she received a text from Micheal and this is how the text conversation ensued.

Michael: “I just saw your sister at a funeral. So good to see her. I understand congratulations are in order. Looks like we both have done well.  Wishing you all the best.

The girl: “Thank you, Michael”

Her sister called her later and shared how stunned Michael looked when he heard of the girls recent marriage and realization dawned, he was not the only one who could move forward, for the girl he carelessly tossed aside had blossomed, with no need to gloat.

Moral of the story:

We are all indispensable humans

Indispensable-absolutely necessary, essential, incapable of being disregarded or neglected. 

♥

A sacrifice of beauty

Lush oak cut and felled

Seasons of growth wistful end

A new home adorned

Raise

In

I may have lost my yearly raise

But, this did not prevent me from raising myself back up in 2012

One may feel slighted at times, yet we can totally revel in jumping over obstacles created to see if failure will be repeated…yet again.

Define Yourself!

Dancing
Excellence
Piercing
Racing
Enormous
Sudden
Shaken
Improving
Okay
Now

♦   ♦   ♦

Dancing stress out is liberating.  Strive for the best and I call that excellence.  Those who have piercing eyes, brings even more irresistible animation out.  Racing against self is never a loss, it’s fine tuning.  Enormous love always bursting with abundance. Sudden changes equates to learned adaptability.  Shaken with knowledge to continue no mater the circumstances and improving along the entire way and finally…being better than okay with my NOW!

D E P R E S S I O N

does not define me, I define myself!

Joy Givers

Joy Givers

Did you know, Joy Givers have the ability to eclipse the joy stealers of the world?

Joy Givers have firmly and deeply planted joy seeds of their life’s journey (regardless, if their journey has been riddled with trial or ease) anchored, rooting and forever growing thereby, enabling the

“wildflower spreading effect”

This effect releases a quiet rumbling of an empowering reckoning force made up of our own resilient strength that can tip, jiggle, shake and knock down all barriers of negativity, setbacks and feelings of failure and defeat, which are designed to specifically conceal with a ferocious attempt, the gift of our uniqueness and ability to continually fine tune the harmony of our life song, even when we slip out of sync!

If we maintain or reclaim our inner resolve to stay resilient, this can empower us to stand firm underneath all showers of adversity and let Joy become our umbrella.

We can easily shake off the joy stealers, who believe we can be shaken and/or remain dislodged.

This is our life to live and we shall not allow, insignificant joy stealers to prevent this valuable gift of joy giving, from growing and spreading like wildflowers into a beautiful realm we call –freedom to BE…JOY GIVERS!

 

Passion

My passion for baking Rum Cakes has returned.

In 2008, I learned how to bake Rum Cakes and once I learned I could not stop. I literally baked a Rum Cake for everyone who had been nice to me. It morphed into an ongoing passion for giving what I baked to good people and enjoying their delight from the surprise gift.

I had found the courage to open an unlocked door, inside an imaginary room; I felt locked inside, for years, by uncovering a means to finally express myself and show my gratitude towards people, when words failed me. I felt internally stronger than I was feeling, at that particular time.

Many Joy Stealers would say, “What is the big deal, you baked a cake and gave it away.”  It was much more than their eyes could see and closed minds could comprehend.  

I also recognized a profound love inside me, it was not romantic or sexual; it was a love for humanity which is pure, infinite and within my mind—equated to goodness. 

Goodness is ours to be bestowed. It dwells deep within us waiting to be embraced and shared, having its own heartbeat. We all have the power to spread these emotions and breathe joy into others and baking Rum Cakes was my action verb, so to speak. 

In October 2010, I was unfortunately crushed with numerous disappointments in all aspects of life and my passion was stifled. I succumbed to unbearable pressures and gave up on living. All the goodness that never left my atmosphere, was kept hidden by a destructive despair which I could not release.

It has taken years to learn to overcome the stronghold negativity can have on a vibrant life– if, and I stress if allowed to take up residence inside your inner being.

On November 10, 2012. I surprised a friend on his Birthday, with a Birthday Rum Cake! 

My passion is back and will not be lost again because, I know now…

I am not only baking cakes, I am on a journey towards finding 

myself... 

with a solid awareness, 

goodness 

can, does 

and 

will 

prevail