I’m just joking


I noticed when people utter this phrase, “I’m just joking” it usually has a double meaning.

The thought occurred to me, while meeting a group of friends for dinner.  Reservations were set and we all gathered together, with the exception of one tardy friend.  We could not be seated until our entire party arrived.  Thus, started the bitching and moaning of one particular person for thirty minutes.  I wanted to scream the words, “Please shut up, for the love of God!” (I let that thought remain, exactly what it was).  Finally, our “late” friend arrived with sincere apologies and then a peculiar occurrence happened.  The bitch and moaner of the group said, “It’s about damn time!” then she quickly added, “I’m just joking”.  This phrase seemed to have abated the anger and simultaneously cleansed the person of their accusation.  The night continued in harmony and nothing was ever mentioned again.

The next episode was at a friends house.  After hours of listening to my girlfriend bitch and moan about her boyfriend not being home, the man of the house finally arrives.  My friend was clearly upset as her boyfriend walked through the door (I was thinking she is going to let him have it) she immediately yells, “I’m so pissed off, where were you!” He gives some lame story.  Then she says, “I’m just joking” and everything was back to normal.  Yet, I could not help but wonder…what the heck?!??

The “I’m just joking” phenomenon is becoming a more excessively used excuse to be a passive aggressive Coward.

If you are boisterous enough to complain about a particular target (person), then why not be tough enough to back up your true meaning or feelings.  If you can’t do this, why waste your breath?  Keep it a mere thought in your mind or better yet, let go of your hostility.

Why is there a need to always belie?

I remember a nurse once told me, “Holding hostility inside or displaying passive aggressive behavior is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die”

Why can’t we …


About 1girl4adamwest

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24 Responses to I’m just joking

  1. Yeah I noticed in college that when we find ourselves a bit uncomfortable we often find a subject to rant and rave about that we believe no one in the vicinity will have a problem with and when they did we’d down play it. One time a friend of mine was very hurt and I vowed to never find comfort in that way again.

  2. Ya, I know exactly what you are talking about. I think a lot of folks dislike, ignore and smile at the off beat manner of the comment. But, hey! we recognize, live and learn and that makes us better off than most, who will never catch on. Thank you for commenting!

  3. stuff I said says:

    Great post, we all need to remember the damage words can do. xx

  4. Karina says:

    Haha! So true….

  5. poojycat says:

    this is really cool, that you bring up this subject up. It is so real and true, that we use words with double meaning and don’t bother how they affect others… which is so sad. I think its easier for people to be passive aggressive. Gush, now I realised how wide this subject is! lol! 🙂 “say what you mean and mean what you say…” – this is so difficult to achieve. I had an episode with my friend recently, cancelled out meeting due being sick. She got upset because of that as she had to cancel so many things (e.g. like hairdresser appointment)… Anyway, it’s difficult to be assertive with people we have feelings for. Maybe sometimes it is better to let go those who we are feeling uncomfortable with or hurt by… Gush, I am writing an essay here! 🙂 haha! Thanks for a lovely post – as usually made my brain work with a full speed 🙂

    • Ha Ha! I adore your comments and thank you! You bring up great FFT (Food For Thought) for me! There is more to this if we explore the side of, “…it’s difficult to be assertive with people we have feelings for.” well said! You also have me thinking now, when children observe adult behavior I’m sure they are grasping in their little minds the power of the “get out of jail” —I’m just joking line too!

      • poojycat says:

        you are so right! children do learn from adults and in such a quick way – that’s terrifying! It strikes me sometimes and I do ask myself often (with a bitterness inside myself): which way our existence follows?
        Oh, and thank you! I have just became a huge fun of FFT! (Enormous hugs to you!!!) ;D

  6. Nickerson says:

    Sooo true. There’s always a hint of truth behind every “just joking” and a hint of bother behind every “I don’t care”. We tend to hide just to not inadvertently hurt someone. Face it, the truth can be a bitter thing. However I’m all for it. I use it a lot too, but more often then not, just to mess around 😀 Quite fun that ways. For eg “I dont like this. I kill you now……….Just kidding…just kidding” *goofy grin* 😛

  7. diannegray says:

    This is SO true! I worked with a nasty woman last year who would say things when I gave her work to do, like “I really hate you for that!” And then grin and say “Just joking!” It really got on my nerves. I’m glad she left my team 😀

    Passive agressive people are toxic and should be avoided at all costs

  8. That is where I hear it a lot too lately! at work!!! I love your thought, “Passive aggressive people are toxic and should be avoided at all costs” YES! Let’s boycott them ALL! LOL!!!!

  9. What a true story of human emotions. We want to express….. but in different ways 🙂

  10. I once had the privilege to meet with an Apache Indian who traveled around doing workshops, especially with cancer survivors – one part of his workshops was about his Grandmother explaining to him, as a young boy, the meaning and significance of “Sacred Language” – in a nutshell it’s pretty much what you have above in the tweegram “Say what you mean, mean what you say and let your words and actions match” – Great post! Thanks!

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